In Loving Memory of Tim Alan Rantala Mosquera

I didn’t know Tim for as long as many of you here did.  But over the past year and a half, we developed an unexpected and very special friendship.  He was my buddy for bocce, karaoke, and rambling around on back county roads.  If I was bored, I could always count on Tim to join me, and we’d cook up some scallywag caper.  The fact that he was 20 years older than me and missing most of his teeth in no way stopped him from flirting with me like it was his job.  I love how much I could just be myself around Tim, and how much I felt like he appreciated me for exactly who and how I am.  That feeling was mutual.   

I hope it helps you to know that Tim’s last day was a great day spent with family and friends.  First he was with a friend in Pinole and then with Raija in Concord.  Once he got back to Pittsburg, I picked him up and we rambled through the hills and back roads around Mount Diablo and the Black Diamond Mines.  We talked and laughed and made fun of each other, and we decided that we were going to get rich by making a podcast of me and him and all our ridiculous conversations.  Then we shared a plate of fish ‘n’ chips at the Riverview Lodge in Antioch, and I dropped him off at home.  Before he went inside, we told each other how much fun we always had when we were together.  I feel so grateful to have had that time with him and that our appreciation for one another didn’t go unsaid.

In hindsight, having spent a good part of his actual last day with him, I’ve come to realize that he really did live every single day like it was his last, being present in the moment and enjoying whatever he was doing.  He could create his own entertainment, even if it was something as simple as going for a ride, having a drink with friends, knocking some golf balls into the Straights down by the Nantucket, a leisurely afternoon bocce game, or parking by the water and enjoying the scenery.  Whatever it was, he had a great time doing it.  It didn’t have to be a big bucket list item for him to get excited.  He had a knack for being in the present that was infectious. 

Kristi, he got SO tickled with your responses as you were helping him with what he could say to address the unfairness of his recent housing situation. 

Tim, I think the first time I met your dad was when you and I went to Toots – you two were the biggest men in the bar.  As soon as he saw you, he grabbed you in a long tight hug and gave you the sweetest kisses all over your face.  I’ve never seen affection like that before between a grown son and his father.

Raija, on Tim’s last night he told me that he thought that you were the most like him – introverted and a little shy but with a sassy side that’s just waiting to come out.  He said that he thought that you are going to surprise everybody with your shine.

I don’t know what the hardest part is going to be for anyone else here – I can’t speak to that.  But for me, its knowing that I don’t get to share life’s little disappointments and victories with him or tell him about something interesting that I saw that I know he’d get a kick out of.  For instance, I recently discovered that there are NO appropriate AC/DC lyrics with which to end a eulogy.  

Tim surrounded himself with friends and family.  He made adventures out of the simplest things.  He was witty and sassy and clever, and he was overflowing with the joy of life even when things weren’t going his way.  He also made some choices that were difficult to accept by the people who loved him most.  Because these were decisions that meant that the time we’d have with him would be shorter than what we wanted.  

But Tim lived how he wanted, and none of us loved him any less for his vices.  The truest measure of a man’s success is the love that he leaves behind when he’s gone.  By that measure, Tim was a superstar. 

DDPY Positively Unstoppable Challenge February Accomplishments

We're a third of the way through March already, so its a little weird to be writing my Feb accomplishments post now, but I procrastinated, so here I am.  I've learned my lesson and am working on the March accomplishments post as the month progresses so that 1) it will be ready to go come the end of the month, and 2) so that I can be sure to record my accomplishments and struggles as they happen and not forget anything!

February out with a with a surprise 8th place on the DDPY leaderboard (down from 721 the night before lol)  I didn't believe it at first - I though the app glitched.  But someone kindly explained that they reset the board at the beginning of each month.  I ended up getting to the NUMBER 8 RANKING!!  HOLY MOLY, 8 IS GREAT!!  However, I didn't take advantage of this in the moment.  It didn't feel real, and because the jump in ranking was so big from one day to the next, I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea that I had actually earned that.  I also had to take it easy a little in February due to some intense hamstring soreness and getting a terrible cold.  At months end I ended up somewhere around 200 on the leaderboard, but I set the goal to get to #1.

Additionally, I had a different sort of huge win in February, which is that I cancelled my hysterectomy surgery.  When I went to my pre-op appointment, the surgeon was telling me something very different than what my referring Dr. had told me.  I was like "What the hell is going on here?!?"  After talking to my regular Dr, it seems that the surgeon was reading the incorrect test results.  However, I did get something very good out of the appointment, which is that even with her reading the incorrect test, I still got better clarity about the conditions that would make the operation necessary as opposed to elective.  Having previously been under the impression (because my gyno was pushing it) that the surgery was necessary although not urgent, I now have some objective criteria that will help me to make the decision when the time comes. But the craziest thing?!?  About 5 days after my scheduled surgery date the news came out that a team of Mexican scientists has a cure for HPV using drugs that make your cells photosensitive and then blasting the cells with some kind of frequency of light.  So I may never need the operation at all.  WINNING. 

I was super excited to get my credit card debt under $1000 but at the end of the month (due to an error processing my paycheck  once I cancelled my surgery time off at work) my cc debt hovered slightly over $2000, which is annoying but not an actual problem.

DDPY 

DDPY daily (missed 2 days)2 blog entries

Set goal to acheive the #1 ranking on the DDPY Leaderboard and commenced

Visibly increased flexibility on Roundhouse 

Weight at 138lbs (down from 150lbs)

Singing

Music Theory class - 0%-47%

Sing @ Alessia's

2 voice lessons

Practiced singing daily

Incorporated several new consonants and a few new vowel phonemes into my diction toolbox

Working for Myself - Improving my Employment Situation

-Attended BNI biz referral meeting

-Made underpants sample

-Alterations for clients

-Finished knitting Vernal Equinox Shawl

-Applied to Fit Engineer job at Mountain Hardwear

-Made rayon challis shirt sample - spec'd garment, digital pattern, digital illustraition, made sample

-Set goal of clearing my sewing basket and commenced

DDP's Maxims and Singing

 DDP has lots of maxims.  He says them in his workouts.  He says them in his books.  He says them when he's being interviewed.  You can apply DDP’s maxims to any aspect of life, but I feel that there is particularly direct relevance when it comes to singing.  

“Never underestimate the power you give yourself by believing in YOU.”

My belief in myself is directly related to my singing ability.  The second that belief falters and I feel unsure of myself, it is reflected in my voice - weak, timid, shaky.  It’s neither pretty nor powerful, which is what I strive for. Conversely, when I’m feeling relaxed and fearless, it’s evident in the quality of my voice.  The voice is SO personal, much more so than other instruments that I have played.  It feels like a more direct judgement on me personally if my audience likes/dislikes my sound.  Maybe a better/more experienced singer can hide their hesitation when they sing, but I’m not there yet.  Developing technique and strengthening my abilities through daily practice is the key to having unshakable belief in myself. 

"Consistency over time delivers results."

This is 100% the case with any focused musical practice.  I don't have to have faith in this idea because I already have proof that it's true.  Growing up, I became a skilled violinist.  Even though I wasn’t the best, I didn’t doubt my talent, skill, and potential.  So I know that if I put the work in with singing, I can be sure that I will get results even I can't always see the progress from day to day.  However, from week to week I can usually see at least slight progress.  From month to month, the dedication that I have put into practicing shows.  When I think about where I am now versus exactly one year ago when I started my lessons - I'm so proud of what I've accomplished, and I can't wait to see where I'll be this time next year!  

"Own your breath."

Singing is a significant step that I took towards owning my life, long before this challenge started.  I’d been in the dumps due to my job/commute and worried about my lack of inspiration to exercise. If you want to sing, you MUST work on owning your breath.  No wonder it has lead to a cascade of increased motivation and accomplishment in my life including resuming DDPY.

In my most recent lesson, my teacher said “Singing is exhaling.”  All of us who do DDPY understand that there is a more specific method to breathing than just the day to day unconscious in and out, and that we can apply this breathing to ANY difficult situation.  But singing requires an even more focused attention to one’s breathing technique than DDPY.  After a year of voice lessons, my understanding of the specific type of breath control for singing still feels rudimentary.

"Repetition is the mother of learning."

YES.  Especially when it comes to musical practice, you aren't just going to nail it the first time around.  Hell, you might not even understand it the first time around.   I can't count the times that Paige has had to repeat something over the course of several lessons in order to help me to absorb it.  When I'm practicing, I have to do something over and over and over not only until I get it right once, but until I can get it right every time and I understand how it feels.  Even then, I often forget again when I try to incorporate something new because doing two things, three things, 5 things, ten things at once is not easy, and there are a lot of things to remember when you're learning to sing!  It's a layering process that's more like a spiral where you revisit things over and over as you rise up rather than a straight line of progress. 

 

"Don't just think it, ink it."

I'm a huge believer in writing things down too.  Any time I'm trying to learn something, I take copious handwritten notes.  I'm in the middle of an online college-level music theory class – you guessed it – notes for days. 

Taking good notes helps to cement learning into your brain.  When I was a teacher, I insisted that my students take notes.  When I was a kid, and I was having trouble with my parents, I would write these long letters to sort out my feelings. At work, when I’m training new-hires on our patternmaking and product life-cycle software, I insist that they also take notes.  I take notes about what to do with my articulators (lips, teeth, jaw, soft palatte, tongue) in order to correctly vocalize phonemes.  I make notes on how to transition between phonemes.  I write down my long term and short term singing goals.  These blog posts help me to sort out my feelings and ambitions.  It doesn’t hurt that I majored in English and Creative Writing in college. 

This doesn't just apply to words though - I write out melodies (using standard musical notation) and highlight specific phonemes on my lyric sheets.  I have a little rubber piano keyboard stamp that I use to learn piano chords and inversions in order to accompany myself better. 

“If you say you can or you can’t, you’re right!” 

And last but absolutely not least.  The first time I ever heard this was actually from my mom when I was in high school.  She said a friend of hers said it to her.  It’s something I’ve carried with me ever since.  It has helped me through my life to maintain my belief in myself even when other people doubt me.  Now, if I think “I can’t do that”, mental autocorrection is almost inevitable because this phrase is now always somewhere near the forefront of my thinking due to hearing it from DDP all the time.  It makes me think , "Is that really true?  Or is it my attitude that it is holding me back here?" 

It’s like he says, “Repetition is the mother of learning,” and its why he repeats these phases so much.  I know I sound like I’m drinking the kool-aid, and if you were thinking that about me, you’re absolutely right.   Hearing these messages daily propels a mental reset.  I want to be proud of myself and the effort that I've put into owning my life at the start of my 40's.  I want to feel certain that I am doing everything I can to live the life that's worth owning.  

DDPY Positively Unstoppable Challenge Mistakes

The song I'm currently working on in my lessons is Mistakes by Lake Street Dive.  I'm OBSESSED with their lead singer, Rachel Price.  She doesn't know it yet, but she and I are musical soul twins.  I've been using their songs to learn vocal diction, breathing, and general technique.  Their songs are helping me to grow tremendously. 

Unfortunately, it also means that I am BUTCHERING songs that I am in love with. I don't know how it is in other people's voice lessons,  but we're dissecting the elements of language and breath and your instrument’s physiology.  It gets cerebral, agonizingly slow, and vocally weird.  And my face.  Oh, my awkward awkward face, lol. Reviewing the recordings of my lessons and practice sessions has left me angsty for sure.  

At the same time I recognize that watching myself, hearing the weak spots, and seeing my awkwardness is hugely beneficial.  I remember the one time years ago, my friend videoed me practicing dance.  I was so embarrassed when I saw it, but it also led to me making several adjustments that took me to the next level, so I'm trying to approach this with the same philosophy.  With enough practice, technique becomes second nature.  It flows out of you without having to think so hard about it or slow way down.  That’s the place I’m trying to get to.  As frustrated as I am when I’m feeling stuck, I’ve seen huge progress and payoff in the year that I’ve been training with Paige - my 1 year anniversary of starting singing lessons is March 1.

Back to Rachel Price and Lake Street Dive.  What do I love about them?  Rachel’s vocal smoothness, control, richness, range, phrasing, her attitude and emotional commitment, the songs’ lyrical content, melodies, and catchy rhythms.  Simply put, Lake Street Dive kills it.  It’s not that I want to sing just like her as an end goal, but I try to emulate her while I’m developing my own vocal abilities and musicality.  

Other singers who I love are Johnette Napolitano, Haley Reinhart, Amy Winehouse, Lauren Hill, Freddie Mercury, and this one song by LP.