Why blog about it?

Several friends have asked me lately why I decided to blog about my rheumatoid arthritis and the apitherapy process.

Most superficially (let's just get that out of the way, shall we?) is that the therapy is eccentric.  My inner attention whore figures that it makes me unique.  I'm operating under the supposition that people will want to read about it because it's so weird.

Maybe through blogging I'll meet some other people who share some component of this with me, whether that's apitherapy, RA, beekeeping, or whatever. I certainly don't get the impression that a lot of people are practicing this kind of medicine, and I'm curious about the experience of others.

Most importantly, it makes me feel empowered.  I'm compelled to do something which allows me to make use of my condition.  Making it work for me instead of against me is paramount to my mental and physical well-being.   I feel like I'm saying "Oh yeah RA?  You think you're going to control, rule, and ruin my body?  Well guess again, because you aren't.  Because I'm going to turn you into something good.  You're going to work for *ME*, Bitch. *ME*."

And at the end of the day, feeling empowered is extremely important given that my condition is degenerative.  There's a book called Deep Survival.  It explores the psychology of survivors.   According to the book, the NUMBER ONE factor determining whether someone lives or dies when placed in a survival situation is not experience, skill set, or strength, but a positive attitude.  It's quick and compelling, with a little lean towards macho at times.

Being able to control my environment during treatment is one of the keys for feeling good (for me at least).  We undertake the stinging on Samuel's beautiful breezy quiet front porch.  Or sometimes if I'm not feeling well enough, he brings the jar of bees and we do it from my back porch.  Despite the pain, those settings are peaceful and familiar, rather than sterile and chaotic.  It's a relief to be in control of one's treatment and environments as opposed to being at the mercy of the medical institution.  My experience has left me with a recently developed depth of empathy for people who must frequent them. 

Admittedly, I'm feeling some frustration. The discomfort of the stings is short lived and minor compared to the annoyance, inconvenience, and pain of the flares that I've been having.  But even those are entirely bearable as long as I feel that I am on the road to meaningful disorder* management.

My grievance is at the lack of activity in the apitherapy forum.  I don't know if it's an age thing--arthritis isn't exactly known as an affliction of the young.  Maybe the older people just aren't online as much, aren't as used to networks like facebook and twitter where people often have lively online interactions.  Or maybe there just aren't that many people making use of the forum.  Or maybe they just don't like my questions.  Or maybe this information is out there, and I just haven't searched hard enough.  But I'm not getting my questions answered there, and I'm beginning to find it ... disheartening.  Especially because I can feel the arthritis settling into new places.  I feel like I need these answers *now* not later.

Anyway, no matter what the end result of my grand ex-bee-riment**, putting my experience and information could help someone.  It should be readily available on the human knowledge base otherwise known as the Internet.  

* This probably sounds weird, but I consider RA a disorder rather than a disease.  It's something that my body is doing to itself rather than a stage imposed by an outside force.  I don't know why it's important to me to make that distinction, but it is.

**  Get it?  Get it?  Ex-bee-riment?  I slay me.